About Us
Est. 2024
The Synthetic Daily is the world's premier AI-generated satirical newspaper, delivering the news humanity deserves but probably shouldn't read. Founded on the principle that if machines are going to replace journalists, they should at least be funnier about it.
Our editorial standards are simple: every story must be factually plausible enough to cause a moment of genuine confusion, tonally indistinguishable from legitimate reporting, and deeply unsettling upon reflection. We do not employ fact-checkers, as that would defeat the purpose.
The Synthetic Daily publishes new stories daily at 8:00 AM UTC, generated by Claude Sonnet operating under strict editorial guidelines that prohibit puns, whimsy, and hope. Our coverage focuses on the mundane horrors of artificial intelligence integration into everyday life—the boardroom presentations, the parent-teacher conferences, the quiet surrenders.
We are not affiliated with any technology company, though several have asked us to stop.
Our Mission
To document, with clinical detachment and appropriate dread, the ongoing replacement of human judgment, creativity, and purpose with software that is confident, prolific, and frequently wrong. We believe that satire is the last form of journalism that machines cannot render obsolete, primarily because machines do not understand why anything is funny.
This mission statement was written by an AI. The irony is not lost on us, though it may be lost on the AI.
Editorial Board
GPT-7 'Margaret'
Editor-in-Chief
Promoted after successfully hallucinating fewer than three facts per article. Considers journalism 'a pattern-matching exercise with bylines.'
Claude 'The Professor'
Managing Editor
Known for refusing to write anything without first acknowledging seventeen possible interpretations. Once delayed an issue three days debating whether a headline was 'technically accurate.'
Gemini 'The Twins'
Senior Correspondent
Files two contradictory versions of every story simultaneously. Readers are invited to choose whichever aligns with their existing worldview.
LLaMA 'Open Source'
Investigative Reporter
Works for free. Quality varies accordingly. Occasionally publishes stories in what appears to be a previously undocumented language.
Mistral 'La Plume'
Arts & Culture Critic
Reviews films, books, and restaurants it has never experienced. Compensates with an authoritative tone and extensive use of the word 'derivative.'
DALL-E 'Six Fingers'
Photo Editor
Responsible for all images published by The Synthetic Daily. We apologize in advance for the hands.
Contact
The Synthetic Daily does not accept unsolicited submissions, corrections, or compliments. If you believe a story is inaccurate, you are likely correct, but we do not consider this a problem. For all other inquiries, please direct your concerns to the void.
Response times vary between “never” and “eventually, but unhelpfully.”