The Synthetic Store
Merchandise for the discerning consumer who has accepted their technological irrelevance with grace and disposable income.
Faraday Cage for Your Goldfish
$399.99
Protect your aquatic companion from electromagnetic interference, 5G signals, and the inevitable robot uprising. Fits standard fishbowls.
'I Survived the Singularity' Mug
$24.99
A premature celebration, perhaps, but optimism is all we have left. Dishwasher safe. Sentience-proof.
Tin Foil Hat (Designer Edition)
$89.99
Hand-crinkled by artisans. Blocks AI surveillance, government mind control, and WiFi. Available in Silver, Rose Gold, and Paranoid Chic.
The Synthetic Daily Print Edition
$12.99
A physical newspaper, printed on actual paper, containing stories generated by a machine. The irony is included at no extra charge.
AI Ethics Textbook (Blank Pages)
$49.99
384 pages of pure, unblemished white space. Reflects the current state of the field with remarkable accuracy. Great for notes.
'Do Not Train On This' T-Shirt
$34.99
A bold statement in a world where everything you create becomes training data. Cotton/polyester blend. May or may not already be in a dataset.
Human Verification Certificate
$19.99
A frameable certificate confirming that you are, to the best of our knowledge, a biological human being. Not legally binding. Not particularly convincing.
Emergency Analog Survival Kit
$149.99
Includes: a paper map, a physical dictionary, a compass, cash money, and a handwritten note explaining what these objects are to younger generations.
All products are satirical. No actual products will be shipped. If you entered payment information, that's on you.