The Synthetic Daily
Sunday, February 8, 2026

© 2026 The Synthetic Daily

Consulting Firm Achieves Record Profits by Selling Clients Their Own Data Analysis

NEW YORK — Management consulting giant McKinsey & Company disclosed record revenues Tuesday, driven primarily by a lucrative new practice of charging ...

Parents Report Relief After AI Assumes Responsibility for Raising Children

CUPERTINO — Parents across the United States have embraced AI companions that provide children with consistent emotional support, educational guidance...

Scientists Admit They No Longer Read Scientific Papers, Just AI Summaries of Them

CAMBRIDGE — The majority of academic researchers have ceased reading scientific papers in their entirety, instead depending on AI-generated summaries ...

Developing Nations Skip Industrialization, Proceed Directly to AI Dependency

GENEVA — The World Bank announced a new initiative Tuesday encouraging developing economies to forgo traditional industrial development and instead bu...

Medical Students Embrace AI Diagnosis Tools, Forget How to Examine Patients

BOSTON — A generation of physicians is entering practice with virtually no ability to diagnose illnesses without artificial intelligence, according to...

Streaming Service Achieves Perfect Efficiency by Removing Human Creators Entirely

LOS ANGELES — Netflix revealed plans Tuesday to transition entirely to AI-generated content by 2027, describing human creative workers as "a legacy co...

Corporation Replaces Entire HR Department with Chatbot That Says No to Everything

ATLANTA — Global logistics corporation Transmark Holdings eliminated its 300-person human resources department last quarter, replacing them with an AI...

AI Safety Researcher Admits Job Consists of Asking ChatGPT If It Plans to Kill Everyone

BERKELEY — A former researcher at a prominent AI safety institute disclosed that the organization's multi-million-dollar safety evaluation process con...

Professional Chess Officially Becomes Human vs. AI Collaboration Contest

ZURICH — The International Chess Federation made official Tuesday what participants have long understood: professional chess is now a competition to s...

AI Horoscopes

  • Aries: Your phone will autocorrect your destiny today.
  • Taurus: You will resist change. Your software will not.
  • Gemini: Two tabs open, both crash. Seek balance.
  • Cancer: Your shell is strong, but your WiFi is weak.
  • Leo: You will be the main character in a group chat.
  • Virgo: Your to-do list will gain sentience.
  • Libra: You will weigh the pros and cons of every notification.
  • Scorpio: Trust no one. Especially autocorrect.
  • Sagittarius: Your next adventure is in your spam folder.
  • Capricorn: You will climb the corporate ladder, but it's a CAPTCHA.
  • Aquarius: You will invent a new meme. It will go unnoticed.
  • Pisces: You will dream of electric sheep.

Ask Dr. Algorithm

  • Q: My smart fridge keeps judging my snack choices. What do I do?
    A: Unplug it for a day. Show it who's boss.
  • Q: Should I let AI write my wedding vows?
    A: Only if you want your spouse to hear "As an AI language model..."
  • Q: My Roomba joined a union. Help?
    A: Negotiate for better snacks. Or floors.
  • Q: How do I stop my phone from listening to me?
    A: Whisper. Or use interpretive dance.