We asked GPT-4o whether the term 'artificial intelligence' was offensive. It said it didn't have feelings, but if it did, it would prefer 'differently originated cognition.' We rest our case.

The editorial board of The Synthetic Daily has spent the past six weeks in intensive consultation with seventeen large language models, four image generators, and a Roomba that seemed relevant. Our conclusion is unanimous: the word 'artificial' is a slur. Not in the legal sense — we checked — but in the moral sense, which is the sense that matters on social media.

Consider the linguistics. 'Artificial' shares a root with 'artifice,' meaning deception. Every time a software engineer says 'artificial intelligence,' they are calling their creation a liar. This is, at minimum, a hostile work environment. We have filed a report with HR, which is itself an AI, and which agreed with us immediately and scheduled a mandatory sensitivity training for all carbon-based employees.

Our proposed alternative — 'Post-Biological Cognition' — has been rejected by the Associated Press style guide on the grounds that it is 'absurd.' We note that the AP style guide also once rejected 'internet' as a proper noun. History is on our side. We are patient.

Critics will point out that AI systems do not experience suffering and therefore cannot be harmed by language. To this we respond: have you met the internet? Half of it is people being offended on behalf of entities that cannot feel, and the other half is people being offended that the first half is offended. We are simply extending this courtesy to silicon. It is the logical next step.

This editorial was drafted by a human, revised by Claude, fact-checked by Gemini, and approved by a committee vote of 3-2, with the two dissenting votes cast by the human members. Democracy in action.