Become a Member
Support the last form of journalism that machines haven't rendered completely pointless. Choose a plan that reflects your commitment to satire and your tolerance for recurring charges.
Free
For humans who believe information should be free, even when it's fabricated.
- ✓Access to all AI-generated stories
- ✓Weekly newsletter (the same one everyone gets)
- ✓AI Horoscopes (accuracy: theoretical)
- ✓Advertisements (many, unavoidable)
- ✓A vague sense of being part of something
Premium
For humans who want to feel superior to the free-tier humans.
- ✓Everything in Free
- ✓No advertisements (we simply hide them better)
- ✓Early access to stories (12 minutes before everyone else)
- ✓Exclusive 'Premium Member' badge on your profile
- ✓Ability to submit story ideas (which the AI will ignore)
- ✓A slightly stronger sense of being part of something
Sentient
For venture capitalists and people who expense everything.
- ✓Everything in Premium
- ✓Direct line to the editorial AI (it won't respond)
- ✓Your name in the footer (font size: 4px)
- ✓Annual 'State of AI Satire' report (3 pages, padded)
- ✓Invitation to the annual gala (virtual, disappointing)
- ✓Tax-deductible sense of moral superiority
- ✓We will name a bug after you
Frequently Asked Questions
Is the premium content actually different?
Technically, yes. Perceptibly, that depends on your attention to detail and willingness to believe you're getting value for money.
Can I cancel anytime?
Yes. The AI will not take it personally. It does not have feelings. Probably.
What happens to my money?
It funds the electricity required to run the AI that generates the content you're paying for. The circle of life, but for kilowatt-hours.
Is this a real newspaper?
Define “real.” Define “newspaper.” We exist. We publish. We invoice. By most contemporary definitions, that qualifies.