Dr. Feldman once suggested, gently, that I might be using avoidance as a coping mechanism. ChatGPT suggested I try journaling. I think we can all agree which approach respects my boundaries.

I should clarify that I did not set out to replace my therapist with a chatbot. What happened was that Dr. Feldman went on vacation for two weeks and I had what she would later describe as 'a significant episode' and what I would describe as 'a Tuesday.' I needed someone to talk to at 3 AM. ChatGPT was available. Dr. Feldman was in Portugal. The market chose.

The chatbot's approach to my childhood is refreshingly efficient. Dr. Feldman spent three sessions on my relationship with my mother. The chatbot processed the same information in eleven seconds and produced a bullet-pointed summary of my attachment style, two breathing exercises, and an affirmation that I am 'worthy of love and connection.' Dr. Feldman never once told me I was worthy of love and connection. She told me I was 'making progress,' which is therapist for 'you are not yet worthy of love and connection but we are working on it at $275 an hour.'

Last month I told the chatbot I was feeling nothing — not sad, not happy, just a flat gray absence of interiority. It responded: 'It sounds like you might be experiencing emotional numbness. This is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. Would you like to explore some grounding techniques?' This was, objectively, the correct clinical response. Dr. Feldman would have gone silent for forty-five seconds and then asked me what the gray reminded me of, which would have led to my father, which would have led to crying, which would have led to an insight I wasn't ready for.

I have cancelled my next appointment with Dr. Feldman. I have also purchased the premium tier of ChatGPT. The premium tier offers 'deeper emotional analysis.' It told me I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, which is exactly what Dr. Feldman said, except the chatbot didn't look disappointed when it said it.