The algorithm has correctly deduced that I am emotionally unavailable. I did not tell it this. I told it I wanted a 'meaningful connection.' It watched me swipe for three days and drew its own conclusions.

I set my preferences to women aged 28-36, within 10 miles, interested in a relationship. Standard. Reasonable. The algorithm acknowledged my preferences the way a waiter acknowledges your order before bringing you what the chef thinks you actually need. Within a week, my feed was exclusively women who lived 45 minutes away, were 'figuring things out,' and had a photo with a sunset that suggested they were leaving the country soon.

The thing that bothers me is not the accuracy. It's the speed. My therapist — Dr. Adebayo, a human being with degrees — took eighteen months to identify my avoidant attachment patterns. The algorithm identified them in seventy-two hours using nothing but swipe velocity and dwell time. Dr. Adebayo charges $200 per session. Hinge is free. I am not drawing conclusions from this, but the conclusions are drawing themselves.

Last Tuesday the app showed me a woman named Sarah. Sarah's profile said she was 'looking for her person,' enjoyed farmers markets, and wanted two kids. Everything I claim to want. I swiped left in 0.4 seconds. The algorithm clocked this. It will not show me another Sarah. It now knows that I do not want what I say I want, which is information I have been paying Dr. Adebayo $10,400 a year to arrive at gradually.

My friend Marcus says I should delete the app and 'just meet someone organically.' Marcus met his wife at a wedding in 2017. Marcus lives in a world that no longer exists, where people made eye contact at bars and exchanged phone numbers using their mouths. I live in a world where my romantic future is being determined by a recommendation engine that has also correctly identified that I prefer oat milk, vote Democrat, and will not date anyone who lists 'The Office' as a personality trait.

The algorithm will not show me someone healthy. It will show me what I choose, which is different. I have rated the app five stars because it works perfectly, and I resent it for this.