SAN FRANCISCO — Anthropic unveiled its newest language model Tuesday, which the company claims can successfully replicate human decision-making across all domains, rendering most forms of independent thought functionally obsolete.

The model, trained on 47 trillion parameters and the complete corpus of human knowledge through early 2025, demonstrated particular proficiency in areas previously considered uniquely human: moral reasoning, creative problem-solving, and the ability to justify predetermined conclusions.

"We're not replacing humans," explained Chief Product Officer Jennifer Zhao during a presentation attended exclusively by venture capitalists and technology journalists. "We're simply acknowledging that most people were already outsourcing their thinking to Google searches and Reddit threads. We've merely streamlined the process."

Early adopters report significant time savings. Marketing executive David Brennan noted that he no longer spends hours agonizing over strategic decisions. "I just ask the AI and implement whatever it suggests," he said. "It's like having a manager who's always right and never takes credit."

The company provided no comment on reports that 73% of its engineering team now uses the model to write the code for subsequent model iterations.

Anthroplic's stock rose 34% following the announcement. Investor polls suggest that shareholders particularly appreciated not having to read the technical documentation themselves, instead relying on AI-generated summaries of the AI's capabilities.

The model will be available to enterprise customers beginning next quarter, with pricing based on how many employees the client wishes to render redundant.